Shahrazed’s Weblog

1. I wait tables. I grew up in restaurants. I think this has shaped me in unfathomable ways.  I have always allowed the people I work with to become my family, and I have always allowed myself to become very much involved with my job, often too much so.  My best friend told me I was in an abusive relationship with my place of employment, and I had to laugh becuase she hit so close to home.  I just gave my two weeks, and I cried.  I know in my soul, I will always be a part of this industry.

2. I really like to run away from things. I’d like to do this right now.

3. In a perfect world, there would always be fresh flowers in at least three rooms in my house. There are giant lavender spider mums next to me as I type this. I buy flowers that I know were probably grown in Chile and heavily dosed with harmful chemicals before they were shipped half way around the world, in the dead of winter. I feel guilty about this, but continue to do it anyway.

4. I love nail polish. I view this the same way I view my love of cut flowers.

5. My red leather jacket is currently my favorite article of clothing. I have mixed feelings about this.

6. I’m in love with a boy who’s nothing but trouble and I’m sure he feels exactly the same way about me. I have mixed feelings about this also.

7. I feel a little crazy, most of the time.

8. My best friends are my life; I miss them both dearly.

9. I don’t want children because I don’t think I’m responsible enough to be a parent.  But I secretly find myself thinking babies are cuter every day.  Perhaps my biological clock is ticking…?

10. I do think diamonds are a girl’s best friend, because when it comes right down to it, a kiss may be grand but it won’t pay the rental on your humble flat or help you at the automat.

11. I’m not serious about number 10. I am serious about wage reform and a living minimum wage, however. I don’t think anyone, let alone any American, should have to choose between medicine and heat. I am serious about civil rights, women’s rights, and the right to choose, I’m serious about the right to healthcare and to happiness, and lately I don’t know what the hell to do about it.

12. I like to start things I can’t finish.

13. When I graduate with a BA in a year and a half, I don’t anticipate feeling like I know what I’m doing anymore than I do now. I’m okay with this, and remain convinced I’m doing the right thing. This may partially be because so many people have questioned me for doing it.

14. I like to read. I don’t like popular fiction. I don’t know why, or care.

15. I think anything miniature or small is cute.

16. I like to push things up to the edge; sometimes I push too far.

17. I miss Michigan. I miss in a way that tells me I can never go back.

18. I have seven tattoos. I expect to get several more.

19. I’m not afraid of all that much. I do have a serious phobia of hypodermic needles, and of anything which goes on just beneath the skin. It’s making me squirm just to write this. I know it’s irrational.

20. I love the sea. I love the moon. I miss the Atlantic coast. I don’t think I could live inland. I tried it once and it was ugly.  I’m learning to love the Pacific, I’m learing to own its wildness, and as a result, my own.

21. I hate amusement parks, especially water parks.  I cannot stress this enough.

22. I’m a consummate procrastinator. The only reason I’m filling this out is because I have some things which I need to deal with but can’t bear to face just yet.

23. I’m trying to figure out the difference between who we are and what we are.

24. I attach sentimental value to material things. I have a pair of porcelain lamps my parents found at an estate sale before I was born. They’ve moved with me from New York to Michigan to Washington. They’re both cracked. They need to be rewired and are most likely a fire hazard. However they still work and I’m using one of them right now. I plan to keep them for eternity.

25. I live in the moment.